Many of the people I work with tell me they feel the same. They often feel like they?™re on the outside, being sent this way and that depending on the children or their mother. I wanted to be important in this family and I wanted to mean something to them. It reminded me of being the office junior again. Making the teas and coffee for everyone, being talked over as the one that wouldn?™t know anything, even though I did sometimes have a good idea.

I wanted to get stuck in with the stuff that really mattered, but not having any children of my own made me feel worse - everyone knew I had no parenting experience so my opinions didn?™t matter - at least that?™s how I felt.

What I didn?™t appreciate at the time is that like being the office junior gives you a great grounding. You learn all the fundamentals of the job that keep the team functioning effectively??and without the responsibility. That?™s how I now see this period of bonding with my new family. I was learning the ropes. I was learning how everyone interacted, how everyone related to everyone else and finding my feet whilst gradually moulding my part in their life.