Stepparent ??Feeling Like the Outsider
By Joanne Ball

Four years ago I joined with my partner and his two children. In the beginning it was lovely to have the children around. I was in the ?˜Getting Going??stage - the fantasy stage - and found family life easy, getting along well with everyone.

As the months passed by I began to notice more and more how much of an outsider I felt in their cosy trio. They had a history together, I didn?™t. They knew each other?™s needs, I didn?™t. They knew the routines backwards, I didn?™t. They knew how to get what they wanted from each other, I didn?™t.

Observing I realised that actually this cosy trio wasn?™t a trio at all, but a foursome. Who was the forth person do I hear you cry? It was the youngest child?™s mother. She also had a history with these people, she also knew their needs, she also knew their routine and she also knew how to get what she wanted - much to my disappointment.

It seemed like an age that I was on the outside. I was surprised to find jealously coming up in me which hadn?™t been their previously and I found my own self esteem being knocked.

Now, as The Stepfamily Coach I realise these to be all perfectly natural and normal emotions and part of the ?˜getting going??stage (See the Development Process Of A Stepfamily at www.thestepfamilycoach.com) of a new blended family.